you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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