I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
