She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
