After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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