True but thats because hes a fetus.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
