There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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