she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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