so that wasnt chicken after all
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
