im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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