OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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