So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
