Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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