i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
