i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
