I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
