I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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