I love black thongs
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
