If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
