aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
