Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
