Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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