she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bring me that man meat
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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