I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
