When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
