what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she looked like the before picture.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
