You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
