hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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