You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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