Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
