True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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