I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
