I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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