My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
