Your tits are I can't wait for
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
