dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
