you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
