I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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