So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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