She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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