You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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