I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
