You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
