it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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