remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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