When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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