Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
