I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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