i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
