1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
