I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Quick, to the slutcave!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
