I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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