His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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