Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
