first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
