I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
