You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's always time for handjobs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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