I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
