grandma shit on top of the toilet
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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