I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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