Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
