I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
