Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
