Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
