Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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