I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
