Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
